Friday, June 17, 2011

i nearly cried myself to sleep.

Let me emphasize,
I only cry when I feel indignant.
Had a tiff with that someone,
who thinks that I don't treat him seriously;
when I never felt such a strong urge to settle down,
Everything i do, is for a fucking reason.
I didn't call on that Saturday is because i am at his place.
I didn't call him that Thursday it's because i am meeting Mel.
All these, are out of goodwill.
But. I guess and believe that i am not appreciated.
I was interrogated. Real bad. Till i lost it.
Maybe because I am a bitch or slut that sleeps around with others.
That's why he's feeling insecure.
I have 100%  trust in him.
Why can't he feel the same in me?

It's been quite a while i cried so bad,
well, not after my mom passed away.
The feeling is just so fucking heart wrenching.

I was thinking about how wonderful this guy is,
listening to the songs from his blackberry, 
looking at his photos, missing him.
Then he texted me that he's gonna off his cell.
I was totally upset, pissed with myself.
Why didn't i handle things properly.
I nearly cried myself to sleep.
I sat up, looked at the mirror,
saw how fucking pathetic i looked.
I look like a fucking dog.
I kept asking myself why the fuck am i crying over such small matter.
I stood up, stared hard back at myself in the mirror,
wiped my tears, lighted a cigarette,
staring at the stronger me.
I like it. I prefer the reflection i see now.
Instead of that pathetic fucked up ugly whore just now.

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